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Yes hello this is Kira, and today I’m here to rant about the little craps we all know and hate, FarmVille Freaks.

If anyone of you out there have a Facebook or any type of messaging or functioning account thing that has farmville as an application, you have met these people. Farmville freaks are people who are obsessed with Farmville.

“Can you fertilize my crops? OH OH SEND ME A GIFT! Hahahaha, guess what dude!!! I just got a reward for planting some flowers! BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!”

You know when ever I here this I just think, “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!”. One day I finally told this to my best friend Dustin (who, bless is mentally retarded heart, is a FarmVille freak) to shut up, and he said you know what you have never even played FarmVille before try it and then tell me to shut up, So i did exactly that, I went home got on my computer and pulled up FarmVille. As the game was up it said for me to plant strawberries to get money (as it said to get money I realized what is the point of getting the money? The only thing I can use it on is more crops…) after I finished planting the strawberries, I thought it would wait three seconds then go and make it to where I could harvest them. nope. I had to wait four hours. Immediately I shut off my computer to get the FarmVille skank off it and went to Dustins house, as soon as he opened the door, WHAM!!! kicked him right in the balls and screamed, “I FUCKING HATE FARMVILLE!!!! and walked away.

First rant for me. Good enough? Comment below saying if it was.

X_x Kira

Update: {12-2-09} MasterofStrings: Fixed all of the grammatical errors.

Metal Gear Solid 3 Box Art

5. Metal Gear Solid 3 (PS2): What is there to say, how could I not have an MGS game on the list, and since I haven’t played MGS4 this is the next best thing for me honestly. I really liked the stealth in this game, the only problem was the menu surfing with changing camo, and it happens all too often. Read the rest of this entry »

W00t! Finally more reasons why Resident Evil 4 is not as great as people say.

Creatures:

This is what bothers me, there are no zombies. NONE, not a one, nada, they aren’t  here! That may not seem like a real problem to some, but to me this is a big deal, because all the good (and shit) RE games had zombies. Of course reviewers always say something along the lines of “The enemies in Resident Evil 4 are more frightening because they can think and will throw shit at you”, FUCK THAT! Give me Lickers Hunters and the good old fashioned zombie over these Spanish assholes (no offense to Spaniard who may be reading this). And if you didn’t know the enemies in RE4 are called Ganados (AHHH! SPANSIH!), and they are the residents of a village who were infected by a bug. No really, a fucking bug, not a virus, a god damn bug.

“Resident Evil 4 has the best graphics on the GameCube”:

*facepalm* Any reviewer who says the graphics in RE4 are good, pretty, revolutionary, or anything of the sort has been playing way too many FPSs. RE4’s graphics are good in a way, but the game has no style. It’s either brown paths and vacant, boring buildings, or the bland inside of a house, or something. The only exception for me is the castle, I thought the castle had some good art design, but a lot of it was kind of boring, and reminded me of Return to Castle Wolfenstein.

There you are, two more reasons why I don’t like RE4.

TTITN

(^_^)v

NOTE: Yes, I am aware that I am ranting about a game that is 4 years old, but if I had WordPress 2 years ago these rants would still be here.

************RE-POST FROM TSIOO*************

Alright now begins a very long and bitchy review. If you are a fanboy of FFVII or Crisis Core hen please DO NOT read any farther!! You HAVE been warned. Okay the story and characters. The story stars Zack Fair vaugley established character briefly mentioned in FFVII, who was Cloud’s SOILDER buddy. The story begins in a pointless training mission. YAY! And from there it goes as prequels go with slight hints at the future story and cameos for all the fanbos who will jizz their pants at the sign of 8 year old Yuffie. Okay as far as stories go this is not very great, especially as far as FF stories go. The Square Enix attempts to develop these characters but in the end I really didn’t see the point, we all know what happens to Zack’s sword, and who gets it.

The sound is halfway decent, with quite a few remixed and reused tunes form previous FF gaames. The only song I really have a problem is the battle song, it’s okay for a while but it never changes and gets boring after a while. Now, the only real problem to me for the audio is the dialogue, this is quite bad honestly, the lines are pretty awkard at some points. And until Zack kills Angeal and stops acting like an arraogant asshole his lines are pretty bad.


Okay, this will be the section where I type for the most: the gameplay. Alright the first thing is the combat, now GameSpot and IGN are saying that the combat in this game is like Kingdom Hearts, to me this is a lie. Although they both are the button mashers Crisis Core has the Fusion Materia thing and that’s okay but I’m here to complain. Let’s start with the HUD, you have HP and MP which you should all know what those are, and then the EVIL little yellow bar at the bottom, the AP gauge!!! This is the most useless stat in the game, first off you pay to block, WTF here, what the fuck is the point of paying like 1 point every nano second so you end up running out the 5th time you want for a chance to block the enemies attack. And about an hour through the game, you get a move called Assault Twister, which costs about 5 AP to use and takes about twice as long to use as the normal attack, meaning you could do the same exact damage quicker and for free. Next is the DWM…… This is the little slot machine in the corner which is constantly spinning. This damn thing takes the place of the Limit Breaks, Summons, and leveling system. There are no EXP points in the game, and you level up by getting straight 7’s in the slot machine when you randomly get a Modulating Phase, I don’t even think I have to explain what is wrong with that. And to get a Limit Break during the Modulating Phase if you get three faces of the same character to do a limit break that you can’t skip ever. And the Summons may be the worst of them all, the first summon you get is Ifrit, and in the first three hours after getting him I was finally able to use him. And that is because RANDOMLY during the RANDOM Modulating Phase will you be able to use them if you get three faces of the summon, and if you do not have summon then do you still get to use the summon? NO! You use a generic extremely lame ass move. And one more thing before the graphics section, there are these stupid little side missions you can do that are made to artificially enhance the game’s length. Really Square Enix, you make long games all the time and you have to inflate this one with these stupid ass missions.

Alright the graphics were saved for last since this is the most optimistic this review will get so I saved it for later. The CG cutscenes do look very good, even the in-game graphics, and runs very well. And overall the game is a piece of shit with a random leveling system and a button mashing mess of a combat system.

TTITN

(^_^)v

Since KTLIOADJ‘s ass has to bitch at me for not doing a God Hand review,  it’s 1 in the morning, and I have mild sugar high(not anymore, I’m finishing this review the morning after), here it is asshole. 

The game’s story is as follows: Jean sees a girl named Olivia about to have her arm cut off by three jackasses looking for the God Hand, which is a magic arm that grants you the power of a God in that arm, and needless to sat Jean tries to help and ends up getting his arm cut off. Olivia apparently feeling sorry for him grants him one of the God Hands. And once he gets this arm he assumes the role of demon hunter and goes around killing demons for the hell of it. He runs into the Four Devas a group of Demons who actually have the other God Hand possessed by Azel a.k.a. The Devil Hand. And of course Jean must stop them.

The gameplay can be summed up in two words: fun, and hard. Seriously this game will kick ass equally or maybe even more so than Devil May Cry 3. And the difficulty will increase as you do better, there are four subsequent difficulties: Levels 1-3 and the aptly named Level Die, and of course if the difficulty increases as you do better than as you start sucking the game will lighten up on you, and I think this mechanic should be implemented in s lot more games. Another great mechanic in God Hand is that you can choose exactly which moves you want in your combo. Also, this game has some bad ass super moves called the Roulette Wheel, I won’t go into too much detail  because a few of the moves have to be witnesssed for yourself, like the Ball Buster, yeah.

Overall this is a great game, and if you read IGN’s review in which they gave this game a 3 out of 10, than you need to track down a copy and play this game for yourself becasue it is not a game that deserves a 3.

MasterofStrings

(^_^)v Seriously go buy it.

What can I say Phantom Hourglass is a great game, probably one of the best on the DS, great job Nintendo! This is most definitely what a DS game shoukd be, great touch screen controls, which are used by dragging the stylus to run, and slashing the enenmies on screem to attack, as well as using your stylus to draw a path that your boomerang will follow. The characters are a lot of fun, and the fairy (Celia) isn;t otally annoying. There are things in this game that are not from the console Zelda games, like you can only habe one item equipped at a time, instead of three, I think. Amd you can’t talk to the fairy for advice,also some of the rupees are different. And I know I don’t usually talk about graphics but the graphics in this game are fantastic and very much resemble Wind Waker.

Great game go and check it out. I think the new Zelda in on the  DS “Spirit Traxks” will be a sequel to this game, it comes out on Dec. 7th, if you have a DS go but it.

MasterofStrings

(^_^)v Peace

This game will fucking kick your ass, seriously. But unlike Resistance Retribution this game has a rising difficulty level that goes up at an even pace. Whilst Resistance was just an easy section than we throw a shit ton of enemies at you. However, DMC3 is really unforgiving, starting you with no continues and little health, also the difficulty levels got jacked up for us Americans, where Easy is Normal and Normal is Hard and so on, also the difficulty Dante Must Die is well, you will die, a lot.

The gameplay is really good and flows very smoothly, and personally just this game alone is better than all of the GoW games put together. There are quite a few weapons in the game, and all have diversity, like three-pronged nun chucks and dual swords that control wind and fire, a guitar that controls lightning and bats and has a scythe, and gauntlets and grieves, that are named Beowulf and you get from a demon that looks like an angel. There are four different default styles, Trickster which allows for a quick dodge, Swordmaster, which  allows for extra moves with Devil Arms, Gunslinger, self-explanatory, and Royalguard which allows Dante to dodge.

Lastly, the extra features in Special Edition, the Bloody Palace which is a huge tower that has all the enemies and bosses of the game. Playing through the game again with Vergil, Dante’s brother, and Heaven and Hell.

Recommended to children and action fans of all ages.

MasterOfStrings

Peace.

1nutshot

Goddammit, I just can’t let go of the past now can I? This game came out 4 years ago, and I’m going to review it? Well not exactly, this is going to clear up why this, in my opinion, is NOT the best game in the RE series.

First hand, the game is very much a third persona shooter, because of the new “dynamic aiming” system that allows for full motion in a stationary position, however, you cannot move freely whilst in aiming mode, all you can do is aim, there is no dodging attacks with a gun ready, which is something that even RE5, the successor to RE4, fails at. And a much better game that  actually has horror elements, frightening enemies, and a few good scares, which is Dead Space, and this game borrows from RE4 and is way better in my opinion.

Lastly, this is not a horror game, it has a few horror themed elements but there really aren’t that many great scares or really any scares at all. The monsters are pretty grotesque, however, they aren’t zombies, and honestly I would prefer zombies over parasite controlled villagers any day.

There were only two reasons that I listed, but if you would like me to go into more detail than please just ask, this is merely a sample.

masterofstrings

RE4 is not the best game ever.

I have but one thing to say, do not waste your money on this piece of shit game, I spent 7 hours of my oh so important life trying to beat this piece of shit to get hung up on a shit, un-epic final boss that is near impossible for me and I’m playing on Normal difficulty, which brings me to the worst part of the game the uneven difficulty. In some areas there are average soldiers and in these sections there is a moderate challenge but you should get past them no problem. However, after these average difficulty sections the game will say, “Fuck you!”, and throw a hoard of 5 giant chimera, 25 average soldiers, 75 Boilers (whose heads explode if they get near you taking off a whole 1/4 of your health), 125 Skulkers (who jump around like assholes and fire machine guns at you), 300 drones, and a boss, all at the same time. And the best way to describe this unbalanced gameplay is “meep”.

Not to mention the fact that this is a shooter on the PSP, so it is doomed from before the idea was even imagined. Also, Insomniac Games, the creators of the Resistance series are taking a back seat to these assholes at Bend Studios, so even if the game had a chance that just went down the drain because the original creators aren’t even on the project. And yes that would make this another prequel to a popular franchise on the PSP that isn’t even made by the original creators. My only exception is Ready At Dawn Studios, because they did a damn fine job at making Daxter and God of War: Chains of Olympus, and they really deserve their own franchise.

Regardless the control in Retribution is absolute shit, and not because of the developers, because the PSP doesn’t have enough buttons or that cherished right analog stick. So we’re stuck with moving with the left stick and aiming with the face buttons, huh? Why the face buttons? Just make a lock 0n– oh, wait they did, so why do we need to turn if you have a lock-on you may be asking, well because the developers are assholes and decided that the lock-on doesn’t work unless you face the enemy, thus making the arbitrary face button camera control necessary instead of just having an auto-lock and nothing else. It would make the game a little more forgiving and then maybe I could be a little more forgiving towards this game.

Do not, I repeat DO NOT waste $35 on this piece of horse cock, go buy something good like Patapon, or Daxter, anything but this piece of shit!

masterofstrings

Seriously, don’t buy it!

landturtleds_1

5: Land Turtle Final Fantasy III (DS)

Even though he is a first boss he is worth mentioning for the epicness of this fight, because you fight him all by yourself with only six potions and some of the crappiest weapons in the game, and the reason he is only number 19 is because he’s a what I like to call a “slap fight boss” which is usually the first boss in an RPG when you have no moves and if the boss has any spells he would 1 hit you, but it still is epic even if it is easy.

drsalvador_2

4: Dr. Salvador Resident Evil 4 (PS2, PC, Wii, GC)

Even though he technically is a mini-boss, but he is pretty cool, one hit from that chainsaw and you may as well kiss your head goodbye. It’s especially bad in “Mercenaries” in the Water World, there is a Mega Dr. Salvador who has a two-pronged flaming chainsaw actually wrapped in chains it’s epic, he will come at you swinging, and lop your head off without a second thought.

dancinghandsp3

3: Dancing Hands Persona 3 (PS2)

Another mini-boss found on the 10th floor of Tartarus. Even though they are only the second mini-boss in the game they will kick your ass in at least 3 rounds if you don’t exploit their weakness, which is strike, otherwise they will mazio and bufu you into oblivion.

The End Metal Gear Solid 3 (PS2)

250px-The_EndThis boss is nothing but awesome, it’s a sniper fight to the death, or unconsciousness, and is the only boos fight in MGS3 to really push stealth into the fight, because if you aren’t sneaking The End will shoot you with his Mosin Nagant, thus tranquilizing you and sending back to the area about 40 minutes back.

200px-MemoryofALessa1: Memory of Alessa Silent Hill 3 (PS2, PC, )

Easily the hardest boss in SH3, and Alessa really doesn’t hold back, she uses a knife, a steel pipe, oh and a freakin’ sub-machine gun, just plain awesome. She’s also a very symbolic boss if you’ve played Sh3 and knew who Heather really is.

REMEMBER THIS IS MY OPINION ON MY TOP 5 BOSSES!!!

Master Of Strings

Asta La Vista

A Trip Back In Time

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The tale of three teenager, one blog, and a never ending hatred for popular media. Of you know me IRL than you know we don't usually act like this, but this is OUR safe haven of the internet to express our opinions and put up what we want. PLEASE, do not leave dumbass comments if either (A) We like something you don't like or (B) We hate something you like, let us spell it out for you Y-O-U W-I-L-L B-E B-L-O-C-K-E-D. Get it. And if you wish to request something from me, ask, do not demand.

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