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Let me start out by saying that if you like horror movies and you have not seen this film yet, than do so, now. Drag Me To Hell is the best horror movie I have seen in a long time. Believe me this film is worth it. The genius of Sam Raimi is the fact that his horror movies are funny as well as scary. A lot of the times he uses jump scares instead of suspense, and and you start off screaming and end up laughing. The kind of BOO! scares of old horror movies instead of all the psychological nonsense. Also the film is really gory, and not in the sense of “Ah, disgusting”, more like, “Haha, dear God there’s so much blood!”. These are the sort of films we need to hark-in back to. And again, go and buy this movie if you don’t already have it, and hell even if you do have it, give the companies more money!

TTITN

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So last night I watched this film on TV, and I figured it being a horror movie made in the last ten years that it would fail epically and be filled with pointless jump scares. This being said I was pleasantly surprised by the fact the film was okay. . . that’s really all that can be said.

First off, this is not a pointless slasher flick full of sex and blood. But something that sort of leads you to believe that it’s like The Orphan but instead of a crazy adopted sister there is an evil step mother, but there is a twist at the end that blows that whole thought out of the frozen lake. So sort of like The Stepfather but with a stepmother.

The effects are pretty good, there isn’t really much gore, and it that note it is like The Orphan where it is building up that she’s crazy and out to kill your family and have sex with your husband, but of course no one believes you if you say stepmom/the orphan sister’s gonna kill our asses and rape/marry you.

So now is where I’ll talk about the best thing in the movie, the ending. The director pulls an M. Night Shamalan and throws a huge twist in at the end to rape any thoughts you had previously. So Anna the main character she gets released from the insane asylum (and she’s like sixteen, wtf?) after her mother’s death in a tragic fire and she goes ape shit crazy and slits her wrists. Ya, rly. And through the movie she sort of has these premonitions of people close to her being murdered, and she thinks it’s her stepmother. So her and her sister think that she is really an evil nanny that killed some kids and married the father, so they try and stop her. They both are drugged and when Anna wakes up her stepmother strips her. Ya, rly. And Anna’s “sister” kills her stepmother. After Anna finds her stepmother in the garbage her father comes home, and she says that Alex had to kill her because she was gonna kill their asses. And he says her sister died in the tragic fire. ZOMG! So it turns out she killed her stepmother AND she wasn’t an evil nanny at all. So she gets sent back to the loony bin and in the final scene the chick across the hall closes her door and the name says Mildred Kemp, the evil nanny.

So, this film was not that bad considering it’s a modern horror movie. Go watch it.

TTITN

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Hey all, Will back again with another review, this time on the album With Roots Above And Branches Below by The Devil Wears Prada. The album was released on May 5, 2009 under the label Ferret Music.

The music is very metal core, and the screams are a little whiny at some points but are very good. At most points the screams are really incoherent, but if you have the lyrics opened they are really easy to follow. All of the literal music minus the vocals is really good, the drums and the guitar are all really good. The clean vocals also sound really great, they’re kind of like Micheal Jagmin’s vocals from A Skylit Drive only a little lower, and the clean singer looks really young, but he plays some damn good rhythm.

Overall, a really good hardcore album, you should check it out. Here is their song Danger: Wildman. Enjoy!

TTITN

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TDWP MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/tdwp

Link to buy on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Roots-Above-Branches-Below/dp/B001W9SYSS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1259170312&sr=1-1

 

The cover of Alan Moore's Watchmen

Watchmen was written by Alan Moore and illustrated by Dave Gibbons. Watchmen was originally a mini-series published under DC Comics, it spanned one year with twelve issues and was collected into a graphic novel around 2005. It was the winner of the Hugo Award and was the only graphic novel on Time Magazine’s list of the top 100 English novels.

Watchmen has been widely received as the most celebrated graphic novel of all time. Many times director’s had tried to adapt the book to film, and in 2009 in some ways Zack Snyder (director of 300) succeeded.Many fans did not like the film very much, personally I thought it was a pretty faithful adaption, click here to read my review of the film. Read the rest of this entry »

The cover to The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From the Living Dead

Imagine yourself in a bookstore, not really looking for anything in particular. You walk by a section titled “Humor”, as you look through the books on the shelf you see one that stands out in your mind. It is a small book with a white cover, there is an M1 Garand and a machete crossed in the shape of an “X”. Above it you see text, it strikes you as odd, it says: The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From the Living Dead. “Huh? Complete Protection From the Living Dead?” you say in your mind, or possibly aloud. “Is this guy serious?” You pick up the book and start flipping through it laughing to yourself.

You decide to read it and take it up to the cashier and purchase this fine piece of literature. After getting home you sit down, or lay down, and start reading. After a while you aren’t laughing, but instead you realize that despite you found this is the “Humor” section this book is no joke. The Zombie Survival Guide is really an instruction manual like any survival book to help you survive the Zombie Apocalypse. Congratulations! You now have a higher chance of surviving Z-Day, but remember keep the Guide close, and always keep it with you.

Written by Max Brooks, son of Mel Brooks, this is the ultimate guide to surviving Z-Day, and is approved by me, the author of an unpublished novel about zombies: Z-Day (and I used the Guide as a reference for Z-Day). Not that an unpublished writer’s opinion really matters but I’m trying to say that this is a great book, it really is Complete Protection From the Living Dead. This book is pretty cheap, but is one day the zombies do come with this Guide you will be ready.

TTITN

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Watchmen was released on March 3, 2009 in theaters and is based on the 1986, 1987 miniseries written by Alan Moore and drawn by Dave Gibbons. Starring Patrick Wilson and Jackie Earl Haley. Watchmen is set in an alternate history in which superheroes are real and don’t exactly act as if they would in your average Marvel comic book, they are real people with real problems and they generally kill criminals, some have even been in wars. In 1977 the Keene act is passed and vigilantism is outlawed once again, and three of the heroes retire (Nite Owl II; Ozymandias; Silk Specter II); two are working with the government (Dr. Manhattan; The Comedian); and one does not retire of his own choice (Rorschach). The acting was very good on all of the members of the cast’s part, it felt like they all really cared and weren’t acting, it was like they really were their character, except for the actress who plays Silk Specter II. The effects are all really good and are believable, and the art in and of itself is amazing and some of the individual images are very close to those of the comic. This one is a must buy, at the least a rental.

TTITN

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The film Hellboy was released in 2004. It is based on a comic series by Dark Horse Comics. I have not read any of the Hellboy, but I can say that this is a very enjoyable film. And I have heard a lot of people who read the comics and a lot of them say this is a great film. However, my mom doesn’t like it, she says that Hellboy is boring. WOW, how can anyone think that this film is boring. Whatever this is really a great film, it has laughs, action, and more laughs. The comedy is very good. The special effects were awesome, and the thing that I like the most is that the director does not use CG for everything, only when he needs to. It really annoys me when directors don’t need to use CG, they can use a robot or a costume, like George Lucas and the prequels, almost everything was CG, personally I would rather have something that doesn’t look as good but is real instead of CG that I know is fake. Anyways, I can’t really annotate on how close Hellboy is to the comics. The acting is good and the lines are delivered well enough, at some points there are a few bad lines, or they aren’t delivered well but still a really good film.

TTITN

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W00t! Finally more reasons why Resident Evil 4 is not as great as people say.

Creatures:

This is what bothers me, there are no zombies. NONE, not a one, nada, they aren’t  here! That may not seem like a real problem to some, but to me this is a big deal, because all the good (and shit) RE games had zombies. Of course reviewers always say something along the lines of “The enemies in Resident Evil 4 are more frightening because they can think and will throw shit at you”, FUCK THAT! Give me Lickers Hunters and the good old fashioned zombie over these Spanish assholes (no offense to Spaniard who may be reading this). And if you didn’t know the enemies in RE4 are called Ganados (AHHH! SPANSIH!), and they are the residents of a village who were infected by a bug. No really, a fucking bug, not a virus, a god damn bug.

“Resident Evil 4 has the best graphics on the GameCube”:

*facepalm* Any reviewer who says the graphics in RE4 are good, pretty, revolutionary, or anything of the sort has been playing way too many FPSs. RE4’s graphics are good in a way, but the game has no style. It’s either brown paths and vacant, boring buildings, or the bland inside of a house, or something. The only exception for me is the castle, I thought the castle had some good art design, but a lot of it was kind of boring, and reminded me of Return to Castle Wolfenstein.

There you are, two more reasons why I don’t like RE4.

TTITN

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NOTE: Yes, I am aware that I am ranting about a game that is 4 years old, but if I had WordPress 2 years ago these rants would still be here.

Watchmen, to put it simply, is a great book, and definitely was the pinnacle of the comic medium, or did it ruin it? As I said this is an excellent book, great writing a wonderful story, that was revolutionary in superhero comics. But when Watchmen and Dark Knight Returns, were, as I said, the pinnacle of the comic medium, but to me they brought down the comic medium for quite a while. NOTE: Both books are really violent, and explicitly sexual, so the idiot writers of comics didn’t take the hint to bump up the writing but instead they pile on the gore and tits, and throw the writing to the to the god damned wind. Thus began the ’90’s era where in comics there was nothing but gore and tits. This pisses me off. Whatever, know one even cares what I have to say. And yes I stole this rant from MovieBob.

TTITN

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************RE-POST FROM TSIOO*************

Alright now begins a very long and bitchy review. If you are a fanboy of FFVII or Crisis Core hen please DO NOT read any farther!! You HAVE been warned. Okay the story and characters. The story stars Zack Fair vaugley established character briefly mentioned in FFVII, who was Cloud’s SOILDER buddy. The story begins in a pointless training mission. YAY! And from there it goes as prequels go with slight hints at the future story and cameos for all the fanbos who will jizz their pants at the sign of 8 year old Yuffie. Okay as far as stories go this is not very great, especially as far as FF stories go. The Square Enix attempts to develop these characters but in the end I really didn’t see the point, we all know what happens to Zack’s sword, and who gets it.

The sound is halfway decent, with quite a few remixed and reused tunes form previous FF gaames. The only song I really have a problem is the battle song, it’s okay for a while but it never changes and gets boring after a while. Now, the only real problem to me for the audio is the dialogue, this is quite bad honestly, the lines are pretty awkard at some points. And until Zack kills Angeal and stops acting like an arraogant asshole his lines are pretty bad.


Okay, this will be the section where I type for the most: the gameplay. Alright the first thing is the combat, now GameSpot and IGN are saying that the combat in this game is like Kingdom Hearts, to me this is a lie. Although they both are the button mashers Crisis Core has the Fusion Materia thing and that’s okay but I’m here to complain. Let’s start with the HUD, you have HP and MP which you should all know what those are, and then the EVIL little yellow bar at the bottom, the AP gauge!!! This is the most useless stat in the game, first off you pay to block, WTF here, what the fuck is the point of paying like 1 point every nano second so you end up running out the 5th time you want for a chance to block the enemies attack. And about an hour through the game, you get a move called Assault Twister, which costs about 5 AP to use and takes about twice as long to use as the normal attack, meaning you could do the same exact damage quicker and for free. Next is the DWM…… This is the little slot machine in the corner which is constantly spinning. This damn thing takes the place of the Limit Breaks, Summons, and leveling system. There are no EXP points in the game, and you level up by getting straight 7’s in the slot machine when you randomly get a Modulating Phase, I don’t even think I have to explain what is wrong with that. And to get a Limit Break during the Modulating Phase if you get three faces of the same character to do a limit break that you can’t skip ever. And the Summons may be the worst of them all, the first summon you get is Ifrit, and in the first three hours after getting him I was finally able to use him. And that is because RANDOMLY during the RANDOM Modulating Phase will you be able to use them if you get three faces of the summon, and if you do not have summon then do you still get to use the summon? NO! You use a generic extremely lame ass move. And one more thing before the graphics section, there are these stupid little side missions you can do that are made to artificially enhance the game’s length. Really Square Enix, you make long games all the time and you have to inflate this one with these stupid ass missions.

Alright the graphics were saved for last since this is the most optimistic this review will get so I saved it for later. The CG cutscenes do look very good, even the in-game graphics, and runs very well. And overall the game is a piece of shit with a random leveling system and a button mashing mess of a combat system.

TTITN

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Since KTLIOADJ‘s ass has to bitch at me for not doing a God Hand review,  it’s 1 in the morning, and I have mild sugar high(not anymore, I’m finishing this review the morning after), here it is asshole. 

The game’s story is as follows: Jean sees a girl named Olivia about to have her arm cut off by three jackasses looking for the God Hand, which is a magic arm that grants you the power of a God in that arm, and needless to sat Jean tries to help and ends up getting his arm cut off. Olivia apparently feeling sorry for him grants him one of the God Hands. And once he gets this arm he assumes the role of demon hunter and goes around killing demons for the hell of it. He runs into the Four Devas a group of Demons who actually have the other God Hand possessed by Azel a.k.a. The Devil Hand. And of course Jean must stop them.

The gameplay can be summed up in two words: fun, and hard. Seriously this game will kick ass equally or maybe even more so than Devil May Cry 3. And the difficulty will increase as you do better, there are four subsequent difficulties: Levels 1-3 and the aptly named Level Die, and of course if the difficulty increases as you do better than as you start sucking the game will lighten up on you, and I think this mechanic should be implemented in s lot more games. Another great mechanic in God Hand is that you can choose exactly which moves you want in your combo. Also, this game has some bad ass super moves called the Roulette Wheel, I won’t go into too much detail  because a few of the moves have to be witnesssed for yourself, like the Ball Buster, yeah.

Overall this is a great game, and if you read IGN’s review in which they gave this game a 3 out of 10, than you need to track down a copy and play this game for yourself becasue it is not a game that deserves a 3.

MasterofStrings

(^_^)v Seriously go buy it.

This game will fucking kick your ass, seriously. But unlike Resistance Retribution this game has a rising difficulty level that goes up at an even pace. Whilst Resistance was just an easy section than we throw a shit ton of enemies at you. However, DMC3 is really unforgiving, starting you with no continues and little health, also the difficulty levels got jacked up for us Americans, where Easy is Normal and Normal is Hard and so on, also the difficulty Dante Must Die is well, you will die, a lot.

The gameplay is really good and flows very smoothly, and personally just this game alone is better than all of the GoW games put together. There are quite a few weapons in the game, and all have diversity, like three-pronged nun chucks and dual swords that control wind and fire, a guitar that controls lightning and bats and has a scythe, and gauntlets and grieves, that are named Beowulf and you get from a demon that looks like an angel. There are four different default styles, Trickster which allows for a quick dodge, Swordmaster, which  allows for extra moves with Devil Arms, Gunslinger, self-explanatory, and Royalguard which allows Dante to dodge.

Lastly, the extra features in Special Edition, the Bloody Palace which is a huge tower that has all the enemies and bosses of the game. Playing through the game again with Vergil, Dante’s brother, and Heaven and Hell.

Recommended to children and action fans of all ages.

MasterOfStrings

Peace.

Please friends give me a few suggestions on what I should review next. I seriously have no fucking clue what I should do, but I know I’ll do Tales of the Abyss once I finish it

But, please leave a request in the comment section.

MasterOfStrings

COMMENT!! NAO!!

A Trip Back In Time

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The tale of three teenager, one blog, and a never ending hatred for popular media. Of you know me IRL than you know we don't usually act like this, but this is OUR safe haven of the internet to express our opinions and put up what we want. PLEASE, do not leave dumbass comments if either (A) We like something you don't like or (B) We hate something you like, let us spell it out for you Y-O-U W-I-L-L B-E B-L-O-C-K-E-D. Get it. And if you wish to request something from me, ask, do not demand.

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